Welcome to Blah-gust, the worst time of the sporting calendar

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OH MY GOD WHO CARES

OH MY GOD WHO CARES
Photograph: AP

Mark it down: 9:35 a.m. Wednesday, Aug. 10. We’ve reached the height (nadir?) of sports activities’ sluggish season. You recognize it’s the doggiest of canine days when ESPN is killing time with Little League World Sequence protection. No disrespect to the youth, however I’m not going to topic myself to watching kids’s athletics till fatherly — or uncle-ly — obligations require I achieve this.

No matter approach you get your sports activities information (thanks for studying Deadspin, by the best way) the feed is bleak. In the present day I awakened and browse that “NBA groups are monitoring Nico Mannion.” Monitoring for what, smallpox? Oh, to get again within the league. I didn’t even know he performed abroad.

In different NBA information, Ben Simmons responded to reviews that he left the Nets group chat after teammates requested him if he was going to play within the playoffs, tweeting, “😂 Sluggish information day.” He additionally retweeted a clip of Shams Charania defending him on the Pat McAfee Present, in order a lot as he needs to ignore it and return to modeling designer garments on the bench, or capturing uncontested jumpers within the native Y-league sport, he felt compelled sufficient to react.

Simmons hasn’t seen sport motion in over a season, and till he does he ought to be on the lifetime 86 listing. I’m unsure if all kitchens do that or solely fancy accommodations that cater to unreasonable clients, however a spot I used to work at straight up nixed sure dishes endlessly — including them to the lifetime 86 listing that hung within the chef’s workplace — as a result of a buyer would see one other diner consuming risotto, order it though it’s not on the menu, and all the sudden a line prepare dinner is spending the entire shift stirring fucking risotto.

Cooking risotto is extraordinarily monotonous and time-consuming, which is how I’d describe penning a Ben Simmons article or a preseason breakdown of any workforce. There’s solely a lot hypothesis, and former seasons’ stats, I can supply earlier than my limbs begin going numb as a result of boredom.

If I read (or write) another NFL training camp story I’m going to suck my eyeballs out of their sockets with a hand vac. (Side note: Editors, I might need to dictate to you my next piece. I hope you’re ready for a six-parter on the rise and fall of Carson Wentz.) (Editor’s Note: You’re on your own!)

Fox News ran an article about how the NFL and ESPN edited “God and Jesus” out of the pull quotes in their retweets of Trevon Diggs’ son talking at Cowboys’ camp even though both outlets shared the video in its entirety. For the record, he was extremely cute, and that should’ve been the angle.

The faux outrage was so egregious that I almost dialed up some fake ire of my own, but opted not to because I love God and Jesus, too. (Joking, I’m joking… Unless you’re reading this, dad. In that case, yes, I thought about going to church Sunday. However, when I woke up, I decided I wasn’t going to waste an hour of my day off.)

The most maddening thing about all this is I shouldn’t even be here. No, not at work. I meant like here, as in the dregs of sports writing in August. We should all be enjoying the World Cup and luxuriating in the beautiful game. While bloggers’ content sources drying up is toward the bottom of the list of why Qatar should not have the World Cup, it’s still a reason. Thanks a lot, FIFA. The molten-hot host country did move the start of the tournament ahead… by a day, which made the New York Instances.

THAT’S NOT AGGREGATE-ABLE ENOUGH! I NEED MORE JUICE!

Thank the lord the Premier League began final weekend, or I’d have to consider one other solution to discuss shit in regards to the Yankees. I’ll in all probability have to try this anyway, however each my physician and my therapist mentioned I’ve to ration my negativity or danger bleeding from my ears.

If ever there was an opportune second to announce your retirement, that is the week. Till soccer begins, I vote we both watch previous Serena Williams tournaments on a loop, or go exterior and attempt to discover completely different surfaces to fry eggs on. Each are preferable to scraping crusted remnants of NFL tales off the underside of the scorched pot.

Anywho. How’s your summer season? 





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